Artificial Stupidity: Soap Operas, Part I

Well, it was bound to happen. I, being a cynical person, have to make fun of soap operas every once in a while. But what will happen next in this series? I've already covered long lost twins (unless you skipped the long chunk of text, in which case SHAME ON YOU), so that leaves amnesia, cheating, and murder to be yet explored. I look forward to your comments.